Affirmations: Week 23

My affirmation for this week is that mastery of anything new increases my self-esteem. Little did I know that a new way of thinking would be my challenge.  I had originally thought to improve on my painting skills.  That wasn’t to be the case.
I was washing dishes two days ago and thinking about the recent events and the text message from Kim and what that means.  It was like a light bulb went off over my head.  Something just clicked.  I joked that the light was probably bright enough to be seen from space.
It has ended at this.  There are reasons and there are excuses.  The difference between the two is that REASONS are why you do something.  EXCUSES are reason why you don’t do something. They could be considered opposites of each other.  This isn’t a simple way of thinking and has taken more thought and process than my other affirmations.  Please bear with me while I give some background these last two days.

My mother, Kim, would give me all of these excuses as to why she couldn’t do something.
Why she couldn’t come see us.
Why I should come see her.
Why she couldn’t be the mother she was supposed to be.
Excuses are negative.  They are reasons why you don’t do something.  The reasons that my mother had to do things right, could not outweigh her excuses.

I have applied this very new (to me) concept to my life as it is now.  It has been an interesting transition and I may have over cooked my brain with this change… but I’m so thrilled with the results.  Here is a scenario from this week with the excuse side and then again with the reason side.  Earlier this week I didn’t change the sheets on my daughters beds because I was tired.  I usually try to do this once a week.  My excuse (by way of justification) for not doing it was being tired.  Two days later I thought about why I wash the sheets.  We have two dogs that prefer the beds to their dog pillows.  So it’s healthier for my daughters if I wash the sheets regularly.  Their needs and what’s good for them should outweigh my excuses.  They are more important.
Now with this example… I understand there are times when I need to take care of me.  That the importance to keep a neat house don’t take priority.  That then becomes the reason.  Why is not washing the dishes important right now?  Because taking care of myself is important.

This may seem backwards, but for the things that are important, it’s not.  I remember my mom staying in bed and hiding in her room and when I would go talk to her… she would tell me “Not right now.  I’m tired.”  Excuse.  That’s all that is.  I refuse to have that indifference to my family.  I refuse to have excuses to why I don’t do things with my girls.
There have been times that I have sat and listened to them laughing and playing and my thought was… I wish they would be quiet.  I’m so tired.  I feel guilty admitting that but I know every parent has those thoughts.  Instead, I want to be there laughing with them.  I want to be there playing with them.  I want them to know that I mean it when I say that I love them.

I will update this post later with my Week 24 Affirmation.  I will actually be having another surgery on the 22nd of this month.  I will be back up and typing in no time.

My Week 24 Affirmation is I praise and value myself and honor my successes.

Affirmations: Week 22

My Week 22 Affirmation is I am confident even as I confront the unknown.  I am late in posting my Week 22 Affirmation and my apologies to my readers.  Confidence is simple and easy to come by only if you know how to find it.  My experience has been that when the unknown is possible, I falter and question myself and my decisions.  This week, I have done my best to look past the unknown and have confidence in my decisions.  With the drama of Kim’s text to me, I stopped questioning my decision.  I accepted it.
This ins’t the only thing that I confronted.  My husband and I made the decision to move back to my home state.  The outcome is unknown in the sense that I no longer have a relationship with any of my relatives.

My Week 23 Affirmation is mastery of anything new increases my self-esteem and confidence.  Now, does anyone have any suggestions for new endeavors?

Affirmations: Week 20

My Week 20 Affirmation and How I Lived It!  My Week 20 Affirmation is that I trust in the abundance of the universe and I trust myself to bring me what I need.  There have been times when I wasn’t sure what was best for me.  There have been so many instances where confusion set in and I had to make a spur of the moment decision.  And there have been moments during these times that I seriously doubted my decisions.  But for the most part and for the decisions that mattered, they were the right ones.  I am still struggling with the decision that I have made regarding my sister Suzie and Kim.  I returned home a few days ago from visiting my hometown and while there I visited my one and only living Grandmother.  I also visited my grandfathers gave site.  I looked up to him and always believed he had all of the answers.  when I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to grow up and be just like that.  Now I know he didn’t have all of the answers.  He wasn’t Superman.  He was a person.  A very real person and I can’t help but wonder if he would be disappointed in my decisions.  I sat down in front of his grave and cried.  I cried for all that I was worth because I still need his guidance and understanding.  However, I have to move forward and can only trust in my decision and if I make a mistake, then I will just pick myself up, dust myself off, and learn from my mistakes.

My Week 21 Affirmation is that my intentions are aligned with my greatest good and are based on my values.  I will be posting my notes on this on the Dec. 27th, 2012.

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Here are my Affirmations: Week 19
Publication Date: 12/13/2012

Affirmation: The universe supports me in my stand against injustice!

I have actually been researching ideas that will allow me to contribute something completely unique and all my own that might help others.  I have set this one aside for further digging.

 

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Here are my Affirmations: Week 18
Publication Date: 12/6/2012

Affirmation: The universe supports me in my self-discovery and my success.

I don’t need the support of the universe… I just need the support of the ones that I hold close to my heart and I already have that.  There is nothing else to add to this weeks notes.

 

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Here are my Affirmations: Week 17
Publication Date: 11/29/2012

Affirmation: I cultivate friendships with people who share my interests and views.

What are my interests?  Well reading, writing, and art.  I believe that I will always be a career student because I am always trying to learn something new.  My art comes a little harder.  Finding time and inspiration is what makes it difficult.
What are my views?  Every person is entitled to their own opinion.  I do not and will not push what I believe on to anyone else.  It is not my place or my position to do so.  As for cultivating friendships that I have these things in common with… it’s a bonus but not a necessity.  Every person is unique in their own way and should be cherished as such.

 

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Here are my Affirmations: Week 16
Publication Date: 11/22/2012

Affirmation: The universe is true so when I am aligned with truth, the universe supports me.

I do what I can to tell the events of my life as they happened.  I am doing it in a very public way.  In doing so, I have found the support that I have needed for a long time.  I do have the support from my husband and my girls… but what I never had is understanding in my experiences.  Others that have been down similar paths as mine.

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Here are my Affirmations: Week 15
Publication Date: 11/15/2012

Affirmation: I let go of the past and trust in the future!

There is only one way to go in life and that is forward.  There is no future in dwelling in the past.  I am in my 15th (out of 52) weeks of my abuse recovery.  Recovery from any abuse is a life long battle.  It gets easier as time passes but in reaching each step in the process, I am looking to my future.  I am doing the best that I can to give my girls the mother that they deserve.

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Here are my Affirmations: Week 14
Publication Date: 11/8/2012

Affirmation: My tears water my spirit, my truth feeds it, and so it revives.

I have cried a lot over the years for a lot of basically different things.  Those basically different things are puzzle pieces of this one picture.  I imagine that picture being the faces of my abusers.  Each negative act they did, watered what will eventually become the end result.  With each piece of truth that I write/type, I grow more complete.  One day I will be able to look at their faces without fear.  And eventually, the end result will be a completely healed and whole spirit.

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Here are my Affirmations: Week 13
Publication Date: 11/2/2012

Affirmation: I face each new day like it were the first day to the rest of my life!

Michael Jordan was the one that said “I’ve failed over and over and over again and that is why I succeed.”  My point of view for how I started my life is that I was given the responsibility of overcoming my parents emotional/mental problems along with the ones that were created in me because of their failures.  I am definitely in a much better place, emotionally speaking, than I was a year ago.  I failed over and over and over again because I continually ignored the emotional trauma that I possessed from my childhood.  I started finding my success when I started pursuing my greater good.  In my minds eye, my greater good is being emotionally whole and complete.