Secondary Blog: I have started another blog…
Hello to all of my readers. I have started a secondary blog for my random musings. Something for the happy side of my life.
If you’re interested, here is the link: http://thephoenixariatoo.wordpress.com
Hello to all of my readers. I have started a secondary blog for my random musings. Something for the happy side of my life.
If you’re interested, here is the link: http://thephoenixariatoo.wordpress.com
Bring me the sunset in a cup for I want to drink.
I want to bring in the happiness and beauty, to make it my own.
To hold it close to my heart, never to let it go.
I wish to look into the glow and witness my future.
My past too dark and bleak
Bring me the sunset in cup so that I can taste freedom.
I wish to leave my cage and shackles behind,
To hopefully be forgotten.
The nightmare is right on my heel.
I can feel his breath on the back of my neck.
His hands forever holding me back and holding me down.
Bring me the sunset in a cup so that I may drink of freedom and the future.
I never measured up
I was inadequate
I was lacking
Like being born without an essential piece
Right in the middle of the puzzle
A gaping whole
What was this piece?
What was so lacking?
Maybe it was cumulative
All of the irrecoverable hugs and kisses from the parental units
Lack of effort to have family dinners
The non-existence of constructive and healthy communication
Sparks in my eyes died with each harsh word
With each push and shove
Pieces of my heart splintered each time you turned your back on me
When I cried you would just walk away
I became quiet and subdued when I needed a hug the most
Sealing what was left of my heart behind the shadows of walls
Escaping to the only resource I had left
Me, myself, and a firefly
The time is now and I am still being told I am incomplete
Unworthy of the mother & daughter relationship my friends enjoy
I am lacking and I am wrong because I can cut such a poisonous relationship out of my life
The lamentation being screamed “Blood is thicker than water!”
How can I turn my back?
How can I be so heartless to walk away?
I am only emulating the behaviors I was taught so young.
I am saving myself
I am walking away
I am now whole and complete
The pieces have returned
Stollen back from you
I will no longer be waiting in the wind for you to love me
I am no longer at your convenience
You will never measure up
You are inadequate
You are lacking
You were born without an essential piece
Right in the middle of a puzzle
A gaping hole
My daughters
The jewels of my life
Will never know you
I will lavish on them
The love you never gave
For all of the times you walked away
I will curl them close to my heart
Telling them I love them
You will never measure up
You are inadequate
You are lacking
You were born without an essential piece
I will forever protect myself and the joys of my heart from Y-O-U!!!
I have written a poem in dedication to my beautiful little girls.
I have found my pieces of sunlight
My daily doses of delight</em
Even in the dead of night
These two pieces burning bright
They are my firelight
They burn stronger than daylight
Twinkle, twinkle my pieces of sunlight
You are my delight
I will keep watch during the night
Always looking for your glow burning bright
I take warmth from your firelight
Burning stronger than daylight
I bask in your sunlight
I smile in delight
With no need to fear the night
I know you will always be there burning bright
I find comfort in your firelight
So much more distinct from daylight
I have found my pieces of sunlight
My daily doses of delight
Even in the dead of night
These two pieces burning bright
They are my firelight
They burn stronger than daylight
After my recent post, I picked out this poem I wrote in high school to publish.
crazy and demented
sick and twisted
unbelievably tormented
I AM
every time i close my eyes
i see a nightmare
that haunts me
in daylight hours
i still see a darkness
even though the sun shines
a breath of fresh air shall not stir
for death and destruction
I AM
pain and sorrow
dwell in my heart
every breath i take
is shallow and slow
un-living
unbelieving
I AM
This is another poem that I wrote in high school.
A hundred miles an hour
Down the highway of pain
Pain and fear merge in a head on collision
Procreating a storm of thunder and illusion
Lightening flashes in the distance
Illuminating the world around me
Tears stream down my face in a torrential rain
My soul screams its pain and heartache
All I ever seem to find is a never ending hell
Blackness trying to swallow me
Insanity engulfing my life in pieces
A hundred miles an hour
Down the highway of pain
Feelings expressed, but yet ignored
I hear death calling my name
Crawling into a hole
Into myself
I see a tormented soul
Fear in every corner of my heart
A hundred miles an hour
Down the highway of pain
~With a Deep Sigh~
I am out of place, I don’t fit.
I move, I flail, I scream against the walls of my mind.
I am limited, I am stifled.
I am not myself.
The shell of my soul, my inner landscapes are barren.
Someone has stollen my essence,
Hidden and stashed.
I can’t find me.
I have disappeared.
The puppeteer has tangled my strings,
A wooden doll without a face that changes.
I am emotionless!
Between eighth grade and my freshman year in high school was probably the worst. I used to write poetry and what I was able to salvage and save from Jack A., I did so on little pieces of paper hidden throughout my bedroom… that way if he found one spot, I would only lose one piece of myself. I did my best to combine everything I have written but thought that I would share a few on my blog. I don’t think it’s very good (I was a ‘preteen’) and haven’t shared it with anyone.
With Each Tear
With each tear that falls,
A silent scream can be heard -
If you listen closely,
You can hear it.
No one tries to understand,
And no one cares -
With each tear that falls,
The anger builds.
The strain of anger is great,
Bottling up the anger to be sent away,
To be released on another day.
With each tear that falls,
A silent scream can be heard -
Can you hear it?
